i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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