I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
