Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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