the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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