Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
