am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
