hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
