WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
