i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
