you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize