Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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