it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
