Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
