yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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