Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.

Fav 9 931 3585
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(+44): View more from England

What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?

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(310): View more from California

Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.

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(858): View more from California

last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"

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(404): View more from Georgia

like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.

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(614): View more from Ohio

the wall and i were having dominance issues.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it

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(727): View more from Florida

I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....

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