i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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