so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
