There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
