When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize