Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
