i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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