Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
