True but thats because hes a fetus.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
