If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
false alarm, still single
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize