Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
