The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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