i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
