Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
