Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
