Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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