3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
