Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
