FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
