I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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