I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
