New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
