so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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