I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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