so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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