John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
