the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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