But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
