I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
