I just made out with a guy for $7.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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