even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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