Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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