found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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