i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
