my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
