i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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