Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
