I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
