she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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