I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
