Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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