Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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