i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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