Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
