I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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