i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
