I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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