I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
