I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
