You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
