This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
