Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
