I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
