I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
