what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
